Friday, 9 November 2012

Today was a good day...

(I wrote this on Friday)

Today was a good day

Well, it wasn’t. But it was… Let me explain.

The other night I ended up in the ER again with an ailment the doctors couldn’t do anything about. They sent me home in pain, and I had a frustrating sleepless night. The next morning, I was sick from not being able to eat and exhausted from not sleeping. I had accidentally left my cell phone at the hospital so the day would involve a trip in to retrieve it, and pick up some medication.
I tried to eat something and keep it down. It was not easy. Having been sick like this before, I knew what I needed to do to help my body recover, but recently it feels like it gets harder to come back each time.

In the early afternoon, I began to feel a bit brighter so prepared for the trip back into hospital. I was tired, sore and not in a good mood. I was worried that I would faint from not eating, or my body would throw another tantrum and I would end up back in hospital. Suffice to say, I was not happy.

So, I picked up my phone (which had a completely flat battery by this time), and picked up my medication.  I hated being back there, even if I wasn’t a patient. It’s a scary place to me (not an unusual feeling, I do realise!) and anything that involves going anywhere near it generally makes for a pretty bad day.

As I was walking out, I suddenly realised how lovely the weather was. I decided on the spot to go for a walk in the nearby Botanic gardens. For those who know me, spontaneity (even for things as small as this) isn’t just a rare occurrence- it simply doesn’t happen at all! So anyway, I came to a seat overlooking the river. It was a perfect moment- the sun, the ducks, the air, everything just felt quiet and peaceful. And for the first time in days, I wasn’t in pain or feeling sick.

And I started to pray.

Not in any formal, organised way that ticks off bulleted pointed prayer points. No, this was like talking to an old friend I hadn’t visited in a while. I realised, sitting on that seat, looking at the beauty before me, how little I have been talking to God recently. I read somewhere a quote that I rather liked: “If you only talk to God when you’re in trouble-you’re in trouble!” It came to my mind as I sat there, and almost felt embarrassed. Because I was in trouble. Thankfully, so thankfully, it wasn’t God who made me feel this way-it was me. He is still there, exactly where He promised me He’d be. And when my heart was ready, He showed me just that.

I walked away feeling a sense of peace my heart hasn’t felt for the longest time. It felt like coming up for air. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like me again.

So, even with everything that happened, even with my health and all the little things that niggle and make for a bad day, I had a good day. Because in all of the all too familiar darkness, I got to spend some much needed time with my God.

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